A study I read online tells me that loving your ex-paramour can happen due to the internal image you have of that person… a made up fragment in time, glorified by our own versions of memories. Not that those memories weren’t wonderful, but we make them out to be more than they were, and often so, says another article.
“It’s not like you aren’t good enough, you know, I just can’t help imagining kissing my ex like I used to, it was just a special bond”… “You know I love you, it’s just a feeling I can’t shake.” I understand.
My eyes were electric blue when I was born. Now they show all colours, mostly blues, greens and greys, sometimes gold. My eyes and the sky are the same. No wonder I feel so connected, we scatter the same light.
Help me help someone who cannot help themselves. Help me be more patient, loving, and kind. Remind me that love was never time wasted, and that rude hurtful comments, irritable nature, and lost longing gazes don’t mean what I think. They are only signs hurt, exhaustion, and anger.
I am an internal image, made up,
I am the scattering of light.
warmth you remember,
cold that makes your bones cringe.
I am what she was,
what he was,
what you were,
when you held the love
held the patience,
You are sinking deeper,
it is getting worse.
Let me pull you out of this hole,
but get a foothold first.
Don’t hate your body because the internal images of the past make you hate it. Love it for what it looks like today and what it will look like tomorrow. Stop scarring your face because it matches how you feel inside. Don’t pick scabs in desperation or in anxious habit, let it heal.
Don’t give up because of depression; don’t give in because the work is too hard.
Remember yourself, remember, and remember that the internal images of the past can also give you strength. Your old self would be disappointed, your old self would also be proud. Choose to fight the pain instead of letting the pain become you. Stand up and speak for yourself, your feelings are always worth it. Look at yourself for what you are and what you can become. You didn’t cross the river to look back.
Let go of baggage that weighs you down; find the drive to keep going. You don’t have to do it alone. You aren’t alone; I’m here to remind you of that.
I am the sky, the scattering of light. The iris. elastic, magnetic, electromagnetic, small.
You are honey-eyed,
sweet as the grass
bitter as the heart.
You are a fabulous creature,
a masque of sweet nothings,
the sweat on my palms
pounds in my head.
It is 8:43pm now.
You are reading,
fantastical fantasy of escape.
Nothing phases you.
Not even me.
Can you see me now?
What do you think of me?
Am I still mystical, magical, and mysterious?
-The Sky and I we are the same, we scatter the same light.
The Sociological Cinema
There was actually research that was done that found that women who used an “I have a boyfriend/husband” excuse to reject unwanted sexual attention and harassment by their bosses were more likely to be left alone than those who used any other excuse (including “I’m not interested”)
Because men respect another man’s property (and that’s how they see us) than a woman’s autonomy.